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post #11 of 1494 (permalink) Old 02-28-2013, 10:23 PM
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A Somali arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada . He stops
the first person he sees walking down the street and says ... 'Thank you
Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money
for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in Canada !'
The person says, 'I not Canadian, I Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes
his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Canada !'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not
Canadian !'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a Canadian ?'
She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Canadians ?'
The African lady checks her watch and says ...'Probably at work'

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post #12 of 1494 (permalink) Old 02-28-2013, 10:57 PM
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A gecko walks over to koala bear up in the tree, what are you doing up there, asks the gecko. Koala bear says man I am so stoned, you have to come up here and try this s**t. Gecko climbs up the tree, take a couple hits, than says man I am so stoned. Takes a couple more, looks at he koala bear and tells him that he is going to walk down to the river to cure his cottonmouth, I will be right back. He walks down to the river, falls in and a alligator flicks him back up on the bank and says gecko what are you doing. Gecko tells him, that he and the koala bear were smoking some good s**t up in a tree. Alligator decides to go check it out, alligator walks up to the tree. Koala bear looks down at alligator and says "Dude what did you do, did you drink the whole river"

(Joke from my Uncle that resides in Seattle)

Last edited by Badridge; 02-28-2013 at 11:05 PM.
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post #13 of 1494 (permalink) Old 02-28-2013, 11:24 PM
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A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You *****! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
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post #14 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 06:35 AM
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Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

Last edited by Don Boles; 03-02-2013 at 01:20 AM.
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post #15 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 10:51 AM
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3 hookers are discussing the "johns" they had last night. The first one says I think I had a cop last night the others ask how do you know? Well she said I saw his gun and badge. The second hooker said I think I had a fireman. The others ask how she knows. Well I saw his hose and helmet. The 3rd one says I think I had a farmer. The others ask how she knows. Well first he said it cost too much, than it was too dry, than it was too wet, then when we were done he wanted to know if I had a free hat for him!
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post #16 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 02:37 PM
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post #17 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 03:24 PM
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Tim, decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon,
he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, quading and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns, boat & quad. You really should get rid of your Jacked up pickup and then we can buy a hybrid.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

”I wasn't “
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post #18 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 03:33 PM
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Overheard at the bank;
There was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, ‘Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?’ The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations.’ The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'
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post #19 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-01-2013, 05:34 PM
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Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep.
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post #20 of 1494 (permalink) Old 03-02-2013, 12:36 AM
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BEWARE: New Scam

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about f'in golf.
Absolute waste of money.

Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Best Regards,

Charlie Sheen

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