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MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD IN NEWFOUNDLAND

'Hello, is this the Police Office?'
'Yes. What can I do for you?'
'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Jack Murphy.

He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!

Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'
'Thank you very much for the call, sir.'
The next day, twelve St Johns Police Officers descend on Jack's house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They sneer at Jack and leave..
Shortly, the phone rings at Jack's house.
'Hey, Jack! This here's Floyd....Did the Police come?'
'Yeah!'
'Did they chop your firewood?'
'Yep!'
'Happy Birthday, buddy!'
(Newfies know how to get'er done)
 
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hahaha good one! we need a like button on the forum haha think it will work for picking rocks too?
 

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That's a good one Don - funny thing is if you have ever been to Newfoundland you might beleive it to be a true story! They are some of the most welcoming and hilarious people I have ever met!
 

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lady went into the
pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and
said, I would like
to buy some cyanide. '

The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need
cyanide?'

The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed,
'Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's
against the law!
I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail!
All kinds of
bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT
have any cyanide!'

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a
picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,
'You didn't tell me
you had a prescription.'


 

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A life-long city man, tired of the rat race, decided he was going to give up the city life, move to the country, and become a chicken farmer. He bought a nice, used chicken farm and moved in. As it turned out, his next door neighbor was also a chicken farmer. The neighbor came for a visit one day and said, "Chicken farming isn’t easy. Tell you what. To help you get started, I’ll give you 100 chickens."
The new chicken farmer was thrilled. Two weeks later the neighbor dropped by to see how things were going. The new farmer said, "Not too well. All 100 chickens died." The neighbor said, "Oh, I can’t believe that. I’ve never had any trouble with my chickens. I’ll give you 100 more." Another two weeks went by and the neighbor stopped by again. The new farmer said, "You’re not going to believe this, but the second 100 chickens died too." Astounded, the neighbor asked, "What went wrong?"
The new farmer said, "Well, I’m not sure whether I’m planting them too deep or too close together."
 

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Ray is Gay. He goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run.


The doctor comes back and says, ' Ray, I'm not going to beat around the bush.

You have AIDS.'

Ray is devastated. 'Doc, what can I do?'
'Eat curry, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, walnuts peanuts,1/2 box of All Bran, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice'.

Ray asks bewildered, ' Will that cure me, Doc?' Doc says, 'No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for'.
 

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A Somali arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada . He stops
the first person he sees walking down the street and says ... 'Thank you
Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money
for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in Canada !'
The person says, 'I not Canadian, I Vietnamese.'
 

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A little boy with diarrhea tells his mom he needs Viagra. The mom asks, "Why on earth do you need that ?" The little boy replies, "Isn't that what you give dad when HIS **** won't get hard ?"
 

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A Somali arrives in Vancouver as a new immigrant to Canada . He stops
the first person he sees walking down the street and says ... 'Thank you
Mr. Canadian for letting me in this country, giving me housing, money
for food, free medical care, free education and no taxes!'

The passerby says, 'You are mistaken, I am Mexican.'

The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ' Thank you for having
such a beautiful country here in Canada !'
The person says, 'I not Canadian, I Vietnamese.'

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes
his hand and says, 'Thank you for the wonderful Canada !'

That person puts up his hand and says, 'I am from Middle East , I am not
Canadian !'
He finally sees a nice lady and asks, 'Are you a Canadian ?'
She says , 'No, I am from Africa !'
Puzzled, he asks her, 'Where are all the Canadians ?'
The African lady checks her watch and says ...'Probably at work'
 

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A gecko walks over to koala bear up in the tree, what are you doing up there, asks the gecko. Koala bear says man I am so stoned, you have to come up here and try this s**t. Gecko climbs up the tree, take a couple hits, than says man I am so stoned. Takes a couple more, looks at he koala bear and tells him that he is going to walk down to the river to cure his cottonmouth, I will be right back. He walks down to the river, falls in and a alligator flicks him back up on the bank and says gecko what are you doing. Gecko tells him, that he and the koala bear were smoking some good s**t up in a tree. Alligator decides to go check it out, alligator walks up to the tree. Koala bear looks down at alligator and says "Dude what did you do, did you drink the whole river"

(Joke from my Uncle that resides in Seattle)
 

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A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...."
The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You *****! How many is a brazilian?"

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.
 

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Professor Higgins at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscle Contraction' to the first year medical students.
This was not an exciting subject and the professor decided to lighten up the mood. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked,
'Do you know what your arsehole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'
[/COLOR]

She replied, 'Probably golfing with his mates.'
It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom!

 

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3 hookers are discussing the "johns" they had last night. The first one says I think I had a cop last night the others ask how do you know? Well she said I saw his gun and badge. The second hooker said I think I had a fireman. The others ask how she knows. Well I saw his hose and helmet. The 3rd one says I think I had a farmer. The others ask how she knows. Well first he said it cost too much, than it was too dry, than it was too wet, then when we were done he wanted to know if I had a free hat for him!
 
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Tim, decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend.
One evening, after the honeymoon,
he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him.
After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading, quading and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns, boat & quad. You really should get rid of your Jacked up pickup and then we can buy a hybrid.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”
"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

”I wasn't “
 

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Overheard at the bank;
There was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, ‘Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?’ The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations.’ The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!'
 
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BEWARE: New Scam

Just got scammed out of $25. Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".

Turns out it's about f'in golf.
Absolute waste of money.

Pass this on so others don't get scammed.

Best Regards,

Charlie Sheen
 
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