The Combine Forum banner

21 - 40 of 1532 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
At the risk of being socially incorrect............... I know, I don't give a rat's ass.
Elton John and his "partner" David Furnish had their sperm mixed together a surrogate mother was artificially inseminated.

After the baby was born, Elton and David were ushered into the maternity ward. A dozen babies were lying in their cribs, and eleven of them were crying and screaming.

In the corner, one baby was lying quietly, smiling. A nurse came over to both of them and indicated that the happy child was theirs. "Isn't it wonderful?" Elton asked David. "All these crying babies...and yet our baby is so content. This just proves the superiority of gay love!" The nurse said, "Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when I pull the pacifier out of his ass...."
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
390 Posts
Ok. Someone has to crash this party. Hardly a clean joke amongst this pile of sewage. I hope this doesn't represent the mind of most farmers. All farmers might not be Christians but most that I've met are morally decent family people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,449 Posts
The most recent one i head made me laugh, but its totally politically incorrect..

Did you know most people though Abraham Lincoln was Jewish.
Yep one because he was named Abraham
Second, he was shot in the temple...

Too soon?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
277 Posts
A grade school teacher was asking students what their fathers did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your father do all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "He's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amy?"
Amy shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."
"Thank you, Amy," said the teacher. "What about your father, Jack?"
Jack stood up and announced, "My daddy is a thief, a drug dealer, and a pimp."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she phoned Jack's house and asked his mother to come to school for a conference. When she arrived, the teacher explained what her son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.
Jack's mother said, "Jack's father is actually a cattle buyer... But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?"
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
227 Posts
Ok. Someone has to crash this party. Hardly a clean joke amongst this pile of sewage. I hope this doesn't represent the mind of most farmers. All farmers might not be Christians but most that I've met are morally decent family people.

They have a place for people like you "Facebook" J/K, kinda, lighten up, go on a different thread.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
78 Posts
I have enjoyed this thread and think there needs to be category just for jokes. We can always use a few more chuckles in our lives.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11 Posts
My best mates and I have been going fishing every Australia day for the last 15 years. A couple bring a boat each, another the firewood and another is the cook. I had a phonecall from the cook a few days ago and he said he couldn't come this year as his wife had put the foot down, demanding that he spend some time around the house, tidying the garden, mowing the lawn, going to the tip etc.

I arrived at our usual campsite to find 'the cook' had come along after all. His tent was set up, the campfire was burning, the BBQ cooking and he had 3 lines in the river. Shocked, I asked what had changed. He replied that his wife had just finished 50 Shades of Grey, last night she handed him 2 pairs of handcuffs and said "do what you like".
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
705 Posts
A bear is walking through the woods when he comes across a hare.
He asks the hare if he has trouble with sh.t sticking to his fur.
The hare says ''no not really''.
So the bear picks the hare up and wipes his arse with him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,710 Posts
The Irish

Mick meets Patrick walking down the street with the front door under his arm.
" Why are you out with the door under your arm?" he asks Pat.
"Because I`ve lost the key and don`t want to lock meself out" says Patrick.
" Better mind you don`t lose the door or you won`t be able to get back in" says Mick.
" Oh don`t worry about that" says Pat, " I`ve left the window open!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
28 Posts
An older couple decide to go on a cruise. As they are walking up the ramp to get on the ship, the old lady realizes she forgot her hearing aids. The old man says we can't go get them now or we will miss the cruise. They take their luggage to their room and there is bunk beds. They talk to the cruise officials, but every room is booked so they are stuck with the bunk beds. That night when they are going to bed the old man says up or down? The old lady rips off her clothes and they have the best sex they have ever had. The next night he says up or down again and the same thing happens. Every night on the cruise, he gets the same results. The first night home after the cruise, he tries it again, "up or down"? She looks at him and says what are you talking about? He explains that when they were on the cruise he would say up or down and they would have awesome sex. She says oh, I thought you were saying f*** or drown.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
47 Posts
My apologies for my last post, I realize some people are more easily offended than myself. Here is one that most people should find unoffensive.

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard.The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss."The 4 year old nods his head in approval.The 6 year old continues,"When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with **** and you say something with ass."The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, ****, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.WHACK!He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up,and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit,slapping his rear with every step.His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!"She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?""I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,801 Posts
How do you catch an Elephant? Well first you dig a hole and fill it with ashes, then you put peanuts all around the hole. When the elephant comes to eat a peanut you kick him in the ASH HOLE
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
868 Posts
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen people? That's wonderful How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge. Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, 'This is your ******* before prison..................
 
21 - 40 of 1532 Posts
Top