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The teacher asked his young students to ask their parents to tell them a moral story at the end.
The next day, the children returned and one after another began to tell their stories.
The stories were ordinary. Only Jenny was left. “Janie, do you have something to tell?” - Yes, madam ......
My dad told me a story about my mom. She was a Marine Corps pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq, and her plane got hit. She had to flee over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a gun and a survival knife. She drank whiskey down the road so that the bottle would not break, and then her parachute landed right in the middle of 20 Iraqi soldiers. She shot 15 of them with a pistol until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with a knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. “Oh my god,” said the startled teacher. “What did your dad say to you, the moral of this terrible story?”
-Keep away from mom when she is drunk !!!! "
 

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Attorneys should never ask an old granny a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial today a small time prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know me?' She responded, 'Yes, I do know you, Mr. Burke. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big lad when you haven't the brains to realise you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit pen pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The solicitor was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Murphy, do you know the defence lawyer?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Cummins since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, snobby, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire country. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defence lawyer nearly died.
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots ask her if she knows me, I'll send you both to prison for ten years each.
 

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I needed a good laugh.
I just asked a six year old if he understands why there is no school now.
Serious as heck answer: Because they are out of toilet paper.
 
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