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Discussion Starter #1
I think its do or die now for me.
Looking for a farm that needs help, farming operations and also has off season over the road operations. Large or moderate scale.
My experience is extensive in older agricultural equipment and commercial
Applications.
Honestly, I farm with my parents and drive over the road in the off season, and working for free is too expensive for them.
(Expensive, meaning my father is a narcissist)
The cons... I am personally a wreck. Years of emotional abuse may take me a few months to actually enjoy myself.

Over the past 15 years I have been purchasing farm equipment on my own to benefit my farm, and it was all for nothing. Either I can sell the stuff or keep it, (8850 kinze and more)

I own two semis which I drive one over the road currently.

I should have left 7 years ago when he bought a brand new combine and had no idea how to pay for it... the last mental breakdown I had.
To many wasted opportunities due to ego and childish behavior in some of the worst economic times, and I am tired.

This is not a new story in the agricultural world, but unfortunately its mine.
 

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Sorry to hear this. I do feel your pain. It is pain. I won't whine about it here. Just deleted a few paragraphs. Don't see much good going into it. Keep your chin up. Amazing how things can work out when just keep going.
 

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I am sure you with your experience you can find a great farm to work with.
I would hire you right now, but don’t suspect you want to move to Canada. Many mid to large size farms looking for good employees here.
 

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8850jd it is good to hear from you again, even though it is hard to hear your update(must have been really difficult to share that).

But I would say that it is never too late to make a new start. Hopefully you find a farm where you can enjoy what you do again. The skills you have are still very much needed. Best of luck to you.:smile:
 

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8850jd it is good to hear from you again, even though it is hard to hear your update(must have been really difficult to share that).

But I would say that it is never too late to make a new start. Hopefully you find a farm where you can enjoy what you do again. The skills you have are still very much needed. Best of luck to you.:smile:
8850 jd BE PROUD OF YOUR WORK ETHIC. Few people know what it is like running a farm now a days, Its tough , but try to stay as busy as you can to block out the pain. As farmers most of us are programed to fix a problem when things go wrong but personal issues with family and friends sometimes cant be fixed like a broken bearing. 8850 JD I KNOW exactly how you feel , I battled sadness and depression too, to the point of learning how to tie a rope. Thank goodness my wife and my best friend help stop that feeling of self worthlessness.
Find a passion that makes you feel alive. I found playing the guitar really helped. Part of the healing process was to recognize that you cant blame yourself for the past problems. Its sounds like your an intelligent hard working guy. Most people will see through your past problems and respect your good character.
Hang in there.
 

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8850 try to leave your family on good terms even though there is a lot of hurt. I think they will wake up after you leave and there may be opportunity down to road to rejoin the farm. Farming can be very stressful and emotionally draining at times. If you are struggling seek out people that can listen to you and help guide you. Good to hear from you again.
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Yeah, I am Trying to relearn the application.

The bad part about this family thing is, yes, I would like to leave on good terms, but there is no clean way to separate my assets from the farm without involving outside legal forces.
That's the part of staying in the states, because with most of my equipment a farm that is moderately sized and also does over the road trucking aspects, I would fit right in with no real issue.
The lack of life outside of farming has done me in.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
8850jd it is good to hear from you again, even though it is hard to hear your update(must have been really difficult to share that).

But I would say that it is never too late to make a new start. Hopefully you find a farm where you can enjoy what you do again. The skills you have are still very much needed. Best of luck to you.
8850 jd BE PROUD OF YOUR WORK ETHIC. Few people know what it is like running a farm now a days, Its tough , but try to stay as busy as you can to block out the pain. As farmers most of us are programed to fix a problem when things go wrong but personal issues with family and friends sometimes cant be fixed like a broken bearing. 8850 JD I KNOW exactly how you feel , I battled sadness and depression too, to the point of learning how to tie a rope. Thank goodness my wife and my best friend help stop that feeling of self worthlessness.
Find a passion that makes you feel alive. I found playing the guitar really helped. Part of the healing process was to recognize that you cant blame yourself for the past problems. Its sounds like your an intelligent hard working guy. Most people will see through your past problems and respect your good character.
Hang in there.
I didn't learn to tie a knot, but the pistol was loaded and ready there for a while..
I dont have the support like you did.

I have also had discussions on this forum that have been used against me by the dealerships local.. part of why I quit posting. They dont like the truth, and I am tired. Most men are just tired all around.
 

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Hang in there, there is always an answer, sometimes it's not where you are looking. Like was mentioned, don't be afraid to ask any of us here for help, we all know what you are dealing with, to some extent. We might not be the professional help you might want or need, but we are here for you, and being farmers, we understand.
 

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Such a painful experience to go through. Your strength of character shows by posting your situation and how you are dealing with that. Certainly all the best to you.

John
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks guys, I know professional "help" won't help. For once in my life I know I am not the problem.
Having your dream used against you, and then taken away from you...
Most farmers who tried working with family know exactly what I am dealing with.
 

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Tried to send you a PM but it wont let me. If your interested in the Golden Triangle area of Montana, there is a large farm looking to fill a year round position (at least they were a month ago). If your interested I'll give you his number
 

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I think you can PM anyone of us that have posted on this thread, if you have no one else to talk to.
Absolutely right. Sounds like you're on the road to healing 8850, best of luck and if you're in the neighborhood stop on by.
 

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I went through the same crap until i was 50 years old and the bugger finally died. Nobody i know around me went through the mental torture i did until, i read your post.
You definitely cam PM me when you have your triggers, I have one a day from the abuse, and probably will never get over it.
My grandpa was also abuse by is own son and he (my dad) did it to his wife and kids. I don't have children, and i can say it was all in my upbringing, if you can call it that upbringing.
Get out now, i should have lived under a bridge starving and would be better shape mentally, if i would have cut strings sooner. There is no going back, they just act better for the first bit, then the mask slips off and it the same old pig again.
People will like hiring you because you don't refuse the whip, You got to look in the mirror and say who do i want to be, envision the life you desire and just start acting as though it is. The pain and nightmares never go away, you will have to learn to live with it. and it is very easy to get on the bottle because it does take your mind off of it.
But, you are so not alone, on this matter, others have made it, and they became better men, they are strong, and resilient, there the guy you see that looks tough as nails, but still has a big heart that everybody trusts, you are in training to be a real mans man, because you have walk to the edge and survived, remember that. Nobody can break you.
 

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Discussion Starter #16
Thanks combine pilot.. you know it, and it isn't getting better.
This is going to happen soon... harvest is supposed to start soon. The problem is being ignored and he is sabotaging the farm

I was told that I should clean this up, not make it look like this, but the truth is the truth. If i were to interview with someone, i am a very poor interview, little to no outward confidence and poor communication skills at first.
I know I am more then anyone could ask for, but the constant negative enforcement designed to keep control of me shows. There is now way to Express that to someone how much a man can be struggling when the other person would not understand what I was put throught.
Almost all aspects of farm life are easy if you are willing to put in the time.
I recognize and pointed out this is not an environment that I can maintain a family let alone a girlfriend..
I was told, "that's not my problem".

Either my dad gives up 100% control, or it's over, because no one can trust him anymore.
Salesman show up, and new **** is required to be paid for, and he has no idea how that is going to happen.
I have an 3/4 line of equipment I either move or just let go and give up, I think I would trade it all for a loving wife any day of the week.
 

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i left to go to the military and took up bodybuilding best thing ever. You can always go back farming later. time to build up yourself. Who knows you may meet a nice farm girl who need to take over her dads farm, and you can have the best of both worlds. There is always something around the next corner, you just have to start walking.
 
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